Author Archives: Uncle O'Grimacy

Bob Deuell May Be A Tool, But Bob Hall Is Batshit Crazy

Unless you day drink and slept through the most awful, terrible, no-good primary that would make an otherwise healthy dog barf up shit vomit until it convulsed to death on a cold kitchen floor, you’ve figured out by now that … Continue reading

Posted in Texas | Comments Off

Less Access To Abortion Clinics In Texas Is No Big Deal, Because You Can Drive Fast Over Flat, Deserted Highways

Some days, I really do want to crawl in my prayer closet and get down on my knees and thank God for the Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals. Today is one of those days. Why am I so thankful for … Continue reading

Posted in Judiciary | Comments Off

Miriam Martinez Sounds Crazy, But She’s Not Stupid.

You have to love it when underdog political candidates–especially Republicans–tear in to the media. You have to love it even MORE when they tear in to the media for not covering their campaigns. You have to love it EVEN MORE … Continue reading

Posted in Call Us Crazy | Comments Off

Pantone Just Pooped In My Mouth

So, I got conned into taking Wendy and Birdie to Lowe’s today. Evidently, Wendy wants to turn her boudoir into less “crack den” and more “palace of tacky crap from thrift stores called ‘pseudo schic.’” Evidently, The King is tired … Continue reading

Posted in Texas | Comments Off

Whereupon Canada Breathes A Sigh Of Relief

I just got through listening to Birdie talk about her problems with molting, Mayor McCheese’s unwanted advances, and her disgusting secret desire to get in a The King’s pants. FOR FORTY-FIVE nauseating minutes. So, naturally, I turned to the Internet … Continue reading

Posted in Texas | Comments Off

Presidio County Needs To Get With The Program

Christmas has been hell here at the home for Retired Fast Food Mascots. The Colonel and Wendy are in a lover’s quarrel after she accidentally spilled a bottle of warm Riuniti all over an open ziplock of The Colonel’s nose … Continue reading

Posted in Uncle O'Grimacy Sounds Off | Comments Off

You People Need A Damned Economics Lesson

[Thanks to the availability of shitty news articles on an iPhone 24-7, my retirement is probably shot to hell. Looks like you might be seeing more of my fuzzy green ass than you like.] I’m sitting in my kitchen, minding … Continue reading

Posted in Texas | Comments Off

Attention, DMN: Some of that blame belongs somewhere else

Yet again, I am disturbed from my retirement.] So, I’m driving back to the Home For Rejected Fast Food Mascots from the liquor store after picking up my nephew Grimace a bottle Cirroc–Rosemary Lehmberg’s favorite–because his disability check is already … Continue reading

Posted in Texas | Comments Off

Why Sid Miller Deserves Nothing More Than Our Ridicule

[Yes, folks, I'm back. I have taken a lengthy hiatus to care for my nephew, Grimace, who has been...well, shall we say turn in' the bottle up ever since McDonalds fired him and Hamburgler. I've had my hands full of … Continue reading

Posted in 'Tis the final conflict | Comments Off

The Masters of Low Expectations

Via the Atlantic, “The president’s team has tried, in laughably transparent ways, to lower the bar for Obama’s performance.” Via USA Today, Romney’s team is circulating a memo that basically says the campaign will be lucky if Romney doesn’t end … Continue reading

Posted in Electronic Fun For Everyone | Comments Off