Author Archives: Uncle O'Grimacy

Super Shitty Service Station Spectacular: TigerMart on US 67 in Alvarado

Don’t let the fantastic gas prices, excellent selection of premium cigars, or the nice lady behind the counter, or the clean look of the store fool you! This place has shithole bathrooms like you’ve never seen. Trash sack over the … Continue reading

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Battleground Butthurt: The Intense Butthurt of Battleground Texas

Poor, poor Battleground Texas. Like a meth addict in denial, they simply cannot admit that their own problems, and not anything external (aside, from perhaps, an uninspiring, poor candidate at the too of the ticket), is the cause of all … Continue reading

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Gringos & Other Assholes: Recollections From The 2014 TDP Convention

Yours truly was able to escape from the Home for Retired Fast Food Mascots just long enough over the past few days to attend the Texas Democratic Party’s 2014 Convention in Dallas. I continue to thank god that it was … Continue reading

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No, you can’t. You just CAN’T.

You’ve all heard of In The Pink. It, like this blog, started before Tumblr was the cool place to blog, and before bored bloggers could use Tinder to find a writing partner (Note: I think this is what you use … Continue reading

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Dear Republicans: Your Chickens Are Coming Home To Roost (Primary Runoff 2014 Edition)

GAWD Almighty and Lord Jeeezus! It has been a hot minute since old, Uncle O’Grimacy has had a minute to do anything for himself–let along post on the blog. Here at the Home for Retired Fast Food Mascots, it has … Continue reading

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Bob Deuell May Be A Tool, But Bob Hall Is Batshit Crazy

Unless you day drink and slept through the most awful, terrible, no-good primary that would make an otherwise healthy dog barf up shit vomit until it convulsed to death on a cold kitchen floor, you’ve figured out by now that … Continue reading

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Less Access To Abortion Clinics In Texas Is No Big Deal, Because You Can Drive Fast Over Flat, Deserted Highways

Some days, I really do want to crawl in my prayer closet and get down on my knees and thank God for the Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals. Today is one of those days. Why am I so thankful for … Continue reading

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Miriam Martinez Sounds Crazy, But She’s Not Stupid.

You have to love it when underdog political candidates–especially Republicans–tear in to the media. You have to love it even MORE when they tear in to the media for not covering their campaigns. You have to love it EVEN MORE … Continue reading

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Pantone Just Pooped In My Mouth

So, I got conned into taking Wendy and Birdie to Lowe’s today. Evidently, Wendy wants to turn her boudoir into less “crack den” and more “palace of tacky crap from thrift stores called ‘pseudo schic.’” Evidently, The King is tired … Continue reading

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Whereupon Canada Breathes A Sigh Of Relief

I just got through listening to Birdie talk about her problems with molting, Mayor McCheese’s unwanted advances, and her disgusting secret desire to get in a The King’s pants. FOR FORTY-FIVE nauseating minutes. So, naturally, I turned to the Internet … Continue reading

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