Harry Balczak’s Reminder To You People II: Flip-Flop Boogaloo

Hello. Balczak here. Been awhile since You People have been reminded of what you did just four short years ago. If nothing else, some of You People probably need a gentle nudge from the peaceful slumber induced by Joementum Loserman’s speech the other night. Geez, what happened, y’all? Four years ago, your token defector was firebreathing, duel-challenging, crazier-than-a-shithouse-rat Zell Miller. This year, we get Droopy Dawg after someone spiked his oatmeal with downers.
To put things in historical perspective, just four short years ago, Sarah Palin was still only Mayor of Hooterville, bravely defending its townsfolk from polar bears, books, and recalcitrant librarians. John McCain was out on the campaign trail whoring out for the candidate who, only four short years before that, punked out McCain in true, first-day-in-the-cellblock fashion (you say “maverick”, I say “prison bitch”, let’s call the whole thing off). Barack Obama was busting out on the national scene in a soaring convention speech and went on to win a landslide Senate victory. Joe Biden was calling out the Bush administration for its Iraq fuckups on a seemingly weekly basis.
So now, two points for You People to remember about the last election when you’re thinking about this one.
First, You People need to remember that four years ago, Republican convention delegates sported purple band-aids to mock the military service of John Kerry in Vietnam. Tonight, however, You People all choked up as John McCain heavily pimped his Vietnam POW story. Now imagine, as you recall how choked up you were listening to that speech, if Democratic delegates had mocked McCain the way some of You People mocked Kerry. Imagine Democratic delegates tossing torn paper airplanes across the convention floor, or tossing around those little plastic toy paratroopers. Hard to imagine something so offensive, right?
This is just a microcosm of the larger point You People need to be reminded of: one party truly respects veterans and one party decides whether to salute our veterans or flip them off based on what’s politically convenient. Barack Obama has fought to improve conditions at Walter Reed. Both in the White House AND Congress, Republicans have fought to cut veteran benefits and services, all the while demanding that those same veterans sacrifice far beyond what anyone could have reasonably expected when they signed up for duty. For You People with fossilized ideology from 1980, the GOP treatment of veterans reflects the same something-for-nothing ethic as the proverbial welfare queen not working but expecting a lavish welfare check and a brand new Cadillac. If you’ve voted for them, you’ve shit on vets, too.
Second, You People sat and heard John McCain tell you last night that he has found religion and seen the light. He wants change! He rejects the last 8 years. Who Bush? George Do-Whut? This from the man who voted with Bush 90 PERCENT OF THE TIME. Four years ago, You People called that sort of shift a ‘Flip-Flop’. You People were decidedly against Flip Flopping. Therefore, you are bound by your own principles to vote against McCain. To do otherwise would make you a Flip-Flopper.
Of course, some of You People have come around the last four years and now recognize that maybe change can be a good thing, especially if we’re talking about the economy. For this group, I leave You People with a riddle: What’s the difference between John McCain and a dollar bill?
A dollar bill will at least get you four quarters of change.

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