The Humphreys. Oh, yeah, you bitches are taking the fall for them

I’m watching Gossip Girl*, loving every minute of it… except for those goddamn annoying Humphreys. My notes…
1) Eric is getting HAWT. Yeah, I know he’s chicken and I’m normally not at all about Col. Sanders, but he’s cute.
2) BLAIR, you fucktard. Chuck is a nebbish and Nate is a Tommy Hilfiger ad. Why the hell would you not move in with him?
3) Lily, are you SURE you really want to marry Rufus?
4) Rufus, wouldn’t you feel more comfortable marrying a cafeteria waitress from Rockaway? Who chain smokes Newports?
5) Nate, you really need to rethink Blair. Oh, and I’m not seeing anyone right now. Just gonna put that out there.
6) Georgina? REALLY?
7) Serena, I would have blown Gabriel. In fact, I still would. I’d even let him talk about that lame WiFi for poor people in Africa thing while I was doing it. Just one thing though and this isn’t meant to imply that you or the rest of the people on the show are stupid, but poor people in Africa don’t have computers so WiFi is, for them, kinda useless. You know what I’m saying?
8) Lily, seriously, wouldn’t you really rather marry someone (ANYONE) else? I mean, this guy is so full of himself that he can’t even take money to put his kid through school from someone he supposedly loves. I mean, you could marry Chuck and I’d be OK with that.
9) Dan, it would be a AWESOME if you could learn to keep your mouth shut. Would you do us all a favor and step into traffic on the FDR?
It’s become clear that the real weak point of The Girl is the Humphrey Family. Obvs, we’d like to keep Jenny but if getting rid of Rufus and Dan means she has to go as well, then that’s a tradeoff we can accept. Until they go, we’re blaming it on You People. You’re sucking up a perfectly good television program.
*YES. I’m just now catching up to Monday’s DVR recordings. I had things to do this week like living my life and entertaining my corporate overlords.

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