Ahoy, dapper gent!

Hello Loverman! You hot, steamy, delicious, hetero mansicle! Who could doubt your hedonistic draw? Your sexual prowess? NOBODY! Yet, lately you feel unfulfilled. No one understands you. Nobody sees the petri dish depth of your soul. You may double check your life, but everything is great. You have the latest Emporio Armani slim fit shirt, the Rogaine is kicking in, and Kings of Leon have finally hit the mainstream. But something is missing. You feel off your game. Don’t worry. The Prophet, Ashton Kutcher, has a movie just for you and your Axe Body Spray soaked existence (The bitches love it!)! This film is so good it encapsulates your very essence!

Yeah man! All you need is a neck scarf and a pair of skinny suspenders, and you’ll be irresistible man candy once more! Shit, you’ll have your pick of all the emaciated models with obvious self-esteem and daddy issues! And once you’ve got one, brother, you can take her back to your king sized water bed covered in black and white checkered sheets, and give her the 2 minute ride of her life! Hell yeah!!! Everything’s going to be okay. Ashton’s got your back.

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