Racing to the Governor’s Mansion (even though it’s still kind of a burned out shell)

So, McBlogger has been up my butt like a suppository to support Hank Gilbert. Despite the fact that we emerged from the same gene pool, we don’t always agree on candidates to support (you didn’t get to witness the dramatic Edwards v Hillary blowout in 2007 that led to many tears. Oh, so many tears). ANYHOO, here are my thoughts on the current Democratic batch…
1) Mark Thompson – Who is Mark Thompson? Can he help me get back into a size 2? No? Well fuck him, then. He also has no website which makes finding out about him very difficult.
2) Felix Alvarado – When I asked a friend who’s involved in Dallas County politics to tell me what he was all about, she replied “A surname”. I went to his website and it seems there is more than that. Apparently there are pictures. And a calendar. And a link to donate. But nothing about issues.
3) Hank Gilbert – McBlogger loves him which is obviously a plus. It’s also, surprisingly, a drawback. It really depends on how much he’s annoying me. And how much I’ve had to drink.
4) Kinky Friedman – He’s the human equivalent of a dog throwing up after being fed scraps from table. I don’t know if has a website or not. I was afraid I’d get sick if I searched for it.
5) Tom Schieffer – Joined his email list just to see what was up. He kinda reminds me of my paternal grandfather. On Thursday he sent out a blast about drop out rates and claimed to be ‘leading the charge to redefine our educational system as one that successfully keeps kids in school and immersed in a culture of learning’. He has a one paragraph education plan which makes me want to ask him to define LEADING.
McBlogger says he’s been in the race for months. I only heard about him back in August so that doesn’t bode well. Neither does the fact that he claims to be ‘leading the charge’ on an issue, but can’t be bothered to actually publish a policy proposal. After months of ‘leading’. He’s only slightly ahead of Alvarado on this and way behind Gilbert.
So, what about the Republicans, you ask? Why not take a look at them? You sound like my father. He’s really smart except for one day, every 2 years in November, when he turns into a retard.
1) Prick Perry – Not so much with this momo. I’ve had enough. And he looks like he needs to soak in moisturizer for a couple of years.
2) That Senile Old Lady From DC – Ahhhh… no. I thought Estelle Getty was funny on Golden Girls, but that doesn’t mean I want her to be Governor. I’m all about voting identity, but this is damn stretch. It’s like carrying a bag you know is fake but pretending it’s OK because no one else knows it’s fake. Meanwhile there are some bitches two tables over from you and your date laughing at your fake Marc Jacobs. She may be a woman, but she’s not my kind of woman.
So, yeah, I’m really no closer to a decision.

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