This story was just too great not to pick up and pick apart.
Austin tries to close male strip club
Officials in Austin, Texas, are trying to close down a male strip club that caters to women, arguing that LaBare lives up to its name.
The club’s owner, Kevin Cox, told the Austin American-Statesman…
Wait. Stop right there. LaBare is owned by a man named COX?!?!? Fucking awesome. I think it should be pointed out right here and now that the ASS, I mean, AAS is owned by, yes, wait for it, COX Newspapers, Inc.
…the dancers do not go beyond the topless stage, with boxers or briefs covering their genital areas.
Who wears boxers at a strip club? Where are the thongs people? I wouldn’t want to go see some ladies prancing around in granny’s knickers! Hell, that’s a better reason to shut the place down.
He describes the dance routines as fantasies in which the strippers do standup comedy or dress up as firefighters or police officers.
What is this, the YMCA? Or do I just really not understand what the hell straight women think is a ‘hot night out at the strip club’?
But city officials say some of the routines imitate sex acts and the men sometimes bare their rear ends. Because the club is within 1,000 feet of the Texas School for the Deaf and Town Lake Park, that would be illegal.
The school for the deaf?!?! So just how bad is the dance music and that stand up comedy act? *eye roll* Somehow I’m really doubting that anyone is going to LaBare while class is in session. You know, because most people go to class during the daylight hours, and to strip clubs when it’s dark outside?
Still, this story would be about 249% more hilarious if the strip club were within 1,000 feet of the Texas School for the Blind. Or if LaBare was the headquarters for Quest Personals phone division.
So here is my solution for the whole bootylicious problem with LaBare and the School for the Deaf.