Kickin’ it with the RHBH

Yep, RHBH is the new name for the The Real Housewives of Beverley Hills. Kinda like when The New Kids On The Block tried to go by NKOTB in the 90s. Over the last year or two I have tired of the real housewives schtick. Never really got into Atlanta because I can’t stand Kim. New Jersey, at times, makes me want to dash my brains out against a wall. Between Tamara’s transparent appeal for attention and Lynne’s blatant stupidity, the O.C. just isn’t as much fun. My fave cast, New York, is losing their most interesting personality in Bethanny. However, just when I was about to give up, the Beverly Hills cast came along. The first season has just finished and this is why it rocked!

Even the most interesting characters were decent.

Frankly, every cast has dead weight. I’m looking at you Jeana! However, in BH even Adrienne and Taylor were still worth watching. Adrienne suffered the curse of being the most mature/self aware, and therefore was the most boring. She had an extremely slow start, but she won me back with her incessant couple banter. Their good natured bickering helped give some heart to the show. I got a kick out her her reaction to their kids breaking his nose! Their best asset had to be their fashion sense. They dressed like cowboy/ drag queen/ Liberace all bedazzled up for the big bus trip! Destination: BRANSON!

Taylor must be a super hero because she amazed me with her innate ability to be completely obtuse! She totally relit the fuse between Camille and Kyle in New York. Her complete lack of accountability was so audacious that it was borderline impressive. But you couldn’t really hold it against her because she was already punished with Russell. No wonder she was making out with cotton candy. She needs him like she needs those horrendous lip implants. Or that dog. Not only did he disregard Taylor’s feelings about a puppy, but showed complete apathy towards the child’s medical reaction to it. Now, I LOVE DOGS, but keeping one to the detriment of your child’s health? Perhaps little Kennedy might also enjoy an asbestos tiara, lice farm, ‘Fun With Medical Waste’ Playset, or Bag O’ Glass. I don’t know if you can still find a Johnny Switchblade.

Kim’s lack of connection to anything resembling reality.

Poor Kim. Poor sad, sad, sad Kim. I’ve never seen such a sad reality character be so completely unsympathetic. Which comitragic episode least invoked your pity? Behaving like an excessively needy Mommy Dearest to her children as they eyed the best means of escape? Her puzzling bait-and-switch dating techniques that managed to be nonsensical, and yet desperate, at the same time? Her inability to form a coherent argument in defense of her sister, only to provoke meaningless cat fights with Taylor? Perhaps Taylor should have gone ‘Oklahoma’ on her, whatever that means. Even if Taylor had just put her in a buffalo skin and headdress, Kim would have at least looked as crazy as she was acting.

Camille’s baffling treatment of Kyle.

Apparently, Mrs. Grammar had one line in the sand. Don’t ask her about her vacation plans! Especially if she’s sensitive about her husband not accompanying. Or feeling as though Kelsey’s company was more valued that hers. I liked Kyle a lot more than Camille. I don’t think I was alone there. I don’t think it was very hard to pick which team you were on this season. It was clear that Camille was the villain to everyone but Camille, who must have believed her charm and cunning would no doubt endear her to millions! Kelsey who? Hee, hee! (Shrug bony shoulders). All it really did was bring about the ‘delusional’ label. Probably because sitting in front of someone and accusing them of untrue events, inaccurate statements, and non-existent acts of abuse leads others to question your behavior. No amount of batting eyelashes, bony shoulder shrugging, or coy giggling is going to make a dent in your nutty. All of this petty, vindictive, and PERNICIOUS behavior totally feathered the bed that Camille came to sleep in under a blanket of karma.

Kelsy & Camille- America’s Sweethearts!

Cluck, cluck, cluck! Hear that Camille? It’s the chickens coming home to roost! Call me Oliver Stone, but I’ve got a teeny tiny little theory. Say, I don’t know, you’re an older well-known star of stage and screen. Let’s say you’re married to a relentless, vengeful harpy who, while being absolutely insufferable, did help keep you sober at the beginning of your long relationship. You want to leave, but know that there will possibly be some bad publicity headed your way. Maybe you could, I don’t know, find a popular reality franchise that would amply display all your spouses most deplorable character traits to the entertainment of millions. Then, when you suddenly dumped her for a 29 year old stewardess, people would only say, “Who could blame him?”. Maybe they could say that while shrugging their bony shoulders and emitting a coy giggle. Besides, the wife would still have her sycophantic make-up artist, her very own drunken foul-mouthed medium, and her dreamy guy friends that she can inappropriately kiss in front of their girlfriends! Cheers!

Lisa Vanderpump

Gotta love her! There’s nothing Cedric can say to change that! Speaking of, what an ungrateful little turncoat! She really should have driven away and left you! Lisa was fucking awesome. Not only was she able to pinpoint the main issue in any blow up, but also be amusing in the process. She called a duck a duck. Her funny comments and witty quips made the show! Whether cutting up with her husband about sleeping together twice a year, sizing up the people at the DMV, making sense of Camille, commenting on Kim’s attire/boobs on a blind date, or just having enough of Taylor and Kyle’s hand holding, Lisa was one no nonsense broad. As long as she’s on board, I’m in for another season!

Photo credit, BravoTV

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