OMG… I would DIE! I mean, seriously, I WOULD JUST DIE!

For those of you who don’t know me personally, I’m constantly doing dumb things. Today I…

1) Made myself a glass of hot water. I wanted cold.
2) Argued with one of my underwriters that Travis County wasn’t a FEMA designated disaster area.
3) Forgot to mute myself on a conference call.
4) Asked a nice lady when her baby was due. She wasn’t pregnant.

And that was all before 11. So, when I say I’m down with self inflicted embarrassment, you know I’m being straight up honest. However, if I’d made a mistake like this while running for President, I’d be thinking about burying myself alive.

In explaining what he called his “strategy” for China, Cain noted he intended to keep the USA economically ahead of the PRC, and also that it was important for Americans to maintain military superiority.

One example of the military threat China posed to the USA, Cain said, was that: “[China] indicated that they’re trying to develop nuclear capability.”

In fact, China developed that capability back in 1964, when the nation joined the so-called nuclear club by exploding its first nuclear weapon in an atmospheric test.

OK, it’s true… foreign policy questions are often tough for Republican candidates. And this one was really sneaky since it took several seconds to discover this well buried Wikipedia article on the first Chinese nuclear device. Maybe Cain didn’t have all the advantages that, say, a seven year old would possess. I mean, this is the same guy who used an economic plan created by one of the guys at Wells Fargo who helps you set up a Roth IRA so it’s not like he’s working with a pro team or state of the art technology. Like Google or Bing.

In the spirit of being helpful, I’d like to recommend to the Cain campaign a few tools that may help.

1) A smartphone. This is a really badass piece of technology that every modern campaign should have on hand. You really could get by on one, provided it’s near the candidate at all times (like when in front of a reporter). However, they’re relatively cheap so it might be a good idea to pick up two or three. You know, in case one breaks. It allows you to look at things on the internet WITHOUT A CABLE. So, yeah, it would have helped Cain find out that China’s had nukes since the 60’s.

2) A subscription to Janes IDR. Let’s face it… who has what and is doing what can be confusing to a Republican candidate amid a schedule chock full of pandering to religious crowds and talking up the gold standard. Think of Jane’s as an express route to knowledge about what ‘the enemy’ has militarily, whoever ‘the enemy’ happens to be that day.

3) A subscription to Strategic Forecasting. StratFor, based in Austin, is like the Poor Man’s CIA (as long as the ‘poor man’ is pretty rich or a corporation, but not rich enough to afford their own CIA). They could be very helpful in figuring out who is ‘the enemy’ before you give a speech or an interview with a reporter. And understanding what those crafty Russians are up to. Even though they aren’t Commies any more, they’re still Russians. And you know what that means.

With even Republican polls starting to show President Obama’s climbing approval ratings (it’s amazing how much actually pushing to make the economy better can help!), it’s becoming increasingly clear that no occupant of the Republican Presidential Clown Car is going to have an easy time. That being said, you don’t need to bury yourself in endless briefing books or talk to ‘experts’. You really can wing it with just a little research on the fly!

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