For Your Consideration : Attorney General

There are now three announced/possible candidate for the Republican nomination for Attorney General. The AG’s spot is being vacated by Greg Abbott who, having wasted more than ten years as Attorney General not protecting the people of Texas but rather on fighting the Federal government and losing, over and over and over again because as a lawyer he’s a shitbag. I do hear he’s a pretty nice guy with a good sense of humor, which is nice but it’s also useless. The last guy I fired was a really nice and had a great sense of humor. He also couldn’t do his job, kind of like Greg Abbott these last ten years.

So, who will be replacing Greg? Since no Democrat has announced yet, we’re going to stick to the Republican side… let’s take a look at the microdicks we’ll be working against next year:

  • Rep. Dan Branch – Now, we like Dan. On balance he’s a pretty decent guy and he’s easy on the eyes even though his head is a little large and his shoulders are a little narrow. As a legislator, he’s been one, so… yeah.

    Branch started off his campaign at SMU and will also be making campaign stops at Rice and Trinity (but not you, Baylor or TCU). He intends to protect Texans from the Federal government which is funny because the Feds have been spending an inordinate amount of time trying to protect Texans from the Republican government in Austin. We think this means he’ll waste tax dollars suing the federal government over states rights (which we settled out back in the 19th century during THE CIVIL WAR) or keeping minorities from voting (guess which side he’ll be on).

    Dan has a campaign video up and it’s pretty rank… the audio isn’t even completely synched to the video. It’s sloppy work and the imagery is stupid (pics of you and your wife kissing when you’re talking about being a bigot? TIRED). We honestly thought he was a legitimate candidate despite his lackluster past but this shows someone who is incapable, despite his resources, of bringing on consultants worth a damn.

  • Sen. Ken Paxton – Ken Paxton is one of those folks who, well, just take themselves too seriously. He’s a teabagger who was just elected to the Senate. Now he wants to be AG because (and you had to see it coming) he wants to fight the Feds (because THAT, and not water pollution from fracking or any of the 9000 other industrial nightmares we have to deal with in this state, is the most important thing ever). Ken has his fat sausage fingers in lots of pies so expect some real fun when the oppo on him starts rolling out. It’ll probably sound worse than it actually is, but he’ll likely come across as a grasping opportunist, an impression bolstered by his decision to move his career along at a breakneck clip.

    RRC Commissioner Barry Smitherman – Speaking of fracking driven water pollution, Smitherman has sat atop the agency which has been told about it and done nothing. If he’s the candidate, it’s very probable the Republican could lose North Texas. No one knows if Smitherman also wants to spend all his time tilting at the President Obama windmill.

    And there you have it…hopefully, a Democrat will step up and run. These clowns are beatable and someone needs to make the point that suing the Feds is a waste of time and money that could be better spent prosecuting real crimes here in Texas.

    This entry was posted in Texas. Bookmark the permalink.

    Comments are closed.