Lt Governor Dewhurst formally announced he’s running for re-election YET AGAIN. Having not fucked up things enough, he’s decided he needs one more term to make sure the state of Texas will take a generation to recover from his incompetence.

This makes the Republican Primary THE race to watch since it’s chock full of asstastic fuckups and one guy who is barely competent. Let’s see:

Sen Dan Patrick – Patrick is one of the most ridiculous people in the universe. He thinks Agenda 21 is real and that there are dark forces conspiring to hand over the military to the UN and make us all start using the Amero instead of the Dollar. While I’m not a psychiatrist and so not qualified to make an official diagnosis, the fucker is CRAZY as a shithouse rat. He also dresses in suits from The Men’s Warehouse ca 1983.

Agriculture Commissioner Todd Staples – Staples has a gigantic head which really stands out when you see it paired with his narrow shoulders. He’s been Agriculture Commissioner for 6 years now and has accomplished nothing. He was spent four years letting gas station owners steal from Texans until Hank Gilbert forced him to do something about it. Despite record high prices for gasoline, he’s done NOTHING to promote the biofuels industry in Texas which is a shame since Texas COULD grow enough sugarcane to seriously decrease our reliance on oil and produce an enormous number of jobs. What’s he done to help farmers and ranchers during the drought? Nada. It was Patterson who took the initiative to steal Gilbert’s ideas on desalination.

LTG Dewhurst – REALLY? You guys have seen what a loser he is. I guess he thinks he’ll buy this election, just like he did the Senate seat that Ted Cruz sits in when the voices aren’t compelling him to jump up and say something stupid or crazy.

Land Commissioner Jerry Patterson – Compared to the rest of the mooks, Jerry is a paragon of intelligence and competence. I know, I know… damning with faint praise. However, until a Democrat announces to take on this collection of halfwits and people desperately in need of thorazine, this is what we got.

So, only a 25% chance we won’t end up with a loser as our Lieutenant Governor. God Bless Texas!

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